When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
