she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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