remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
FUCK WHALES
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