I am puke
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
