So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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