The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
