Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
