How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
