I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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