I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
