a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
