you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
