i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
