Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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