Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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