I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
