Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
