i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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