before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
