When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
