just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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