I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
