i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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