I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
