why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
