Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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