I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
