nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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