I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
