My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
