Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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