remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
