they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
