Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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