Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
