from now on my penis is your penis
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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