sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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