I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
