...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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