he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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