I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
