grandma shit on top of the toilet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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