i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize