Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
