Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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