After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
not ubering you a puppy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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