Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
