how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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