i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
