Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
