just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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